This blog started out as peek inside the life of someone the world deemed "different." I intended for it to be for the kids that I lecture to. I wanted a way for them to connect with me as a person, and it has. On many levels it has touched people, and the feed back I get from students is so rewarding. Yet somehow, this went from being about me, to being for me.
I don't want to be pacified, or pitied. I have this voyeuristic need to move people in a public forum. I put my life on display, for the sake of finding someone who's "been there." In a world that, at times, I feel so alone it's nice to know that I am in good company.
I separate my world from yours, mainly because I feel so different. I know that you can't see my life, until you see it through my eyes. Events that happen to you, have very different shades when they are are laid out for me.
I'm hard, and strong. I'm confident in myself. Yet, at times I am vulnerable, and extremely insecure. I never break, but I crack. I don't rip, but I tear. I often find myself jealous, and proud of the people I love. I live for myself, but would die for some. I am taking such great strides, but find myself, slowly falling backwards.
My mom's voice of reason would echo in the back of my head. But she's no longer here, and my voice of reason is mute. My physical voice has no reason.
I think mom would say: "You're OK. You're on the right path. Taniya, be patient and move quietly."
Yea, that's what she would say.
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