At least that's what I tell myself when I feel I've found the bottom of this bottomless hole. They say you find a point where you hit "rock bottom." I've never found that true. Bottom is an illusion. Bottom signifies a finite end to something. - I'm not sure anything ever ends. The entire world, as we know it, is a cycle of repetitions.
Science tell us that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore the essence of energy just lingers until it is reclaimed by something, to be used again.
So do I, naively, believe that I can put an "end" to all the rapid, electrical energy that causes my seizures? I've been told that the electrical surges in my Brain run too fast to fully be controlled by drugs. But I struggle with that concept. Is it possible for anything, about the Brain, to run too fast? I talk too fast, I think rapidly, I think too much, I can create and analyze at the same time. I have anxiety, born out of a desire to be perfect. I knowingly, take on more than I can juggle.
Good bad or indifferent that's who I am! And I wouldn't change that. The biggest concern, about this damn surgery is that it might change "me" in some small but significant way. Yet, one by one these seizures keep coming, and I desperately want to end that. Here's my question: where will all the extra energy go ...
