Stop calling us "special needs _______"

Seriously, stop it!

- My son who has autism has an aide at school because he has "special needs."
- My wife has a custom van, equipped with hand controls because she has "Special needs."
- This lady I know had a seat installed in her shower, because she has "Special needs."
- We widened our bathroom doorway, so our daughter with "Special needs" could get her wheelchair through it.

As a child the term "special needs," felt isolating, and patronizing. As an adult it's downright infuriating!

Say it with me I have a DISABILITY! (if you want to get technical - I have a few disabilities). I am one of the 56.7 million people in the US living with a disability. As a community we don't have special needs...We have needs.

There's nothing special about independent daily hygiene. The girl whizzing past you in her hot pink wheelchair doesn't have special needs... she needs to get to class. Me sitting in my adapted car, in rush hour traffic is as normal and mundane as it gets. The amputee you saw open the Ketchup bottle with his teeth didn't do so because he has "special needs." He just didn't want to eat a dry hamburger. It was 89 degrees out today. I needed my ceiling fan on. That took a step stool, some acrobatics and a salad tong. ... not because I have special needs, but because I needed to cool off.

We live in a world that wasn't built for us, and we know it. We're innovators!

No one said Thomas Edison had "special needs" because he needed light after the sun set.

We can't promote inclusion, and gloss over a series of challenges by calling them "special needs." The two can't coexist. If you take my "average" and apply it to you "normal" my needs will always look "special," because they look DIFFERENT!

Just hearing the words "special needs" can send some people into a panic.

-Will I be able to teach him using my current teaching methods? Maybe he should be in a special ed class.
-If I hire her what type of accommodations will I need to make?
-Are you sure she can raise her child on her own?
-

Sure,  the term"special needs," made our parents feel comfortable. It's a nice Politically correct term, that allows people, groups and organizations feel progressive.

But it's decisive. It discreetly categorizes us into those who can and those who can't!

We've all seen the feel good video of the small coffee shop that employs people with Down Syndrome. Aww isn't it so kind that, the shop owner wants to give people with "special needs" a job.

We swooned when we saw the picture of the football player taking the "special needs" girl in a wheelchair to the prom.

Stop smiling and swooning ....

Stop saying special needs!

Well well ...well ... I'm back.

It's been quite some time since I last posted. "I'm too busy." I said. Yet, somehow I found time to take online surveys, earning amazon and Walmart gift cards. I'v taken countless Facebook quizzes. I now know what type of onion I would be, what Disney princess I look like and what color my soul is. Sounds real busy, huh?

The truth is I haven't been inspired, and I ran out of words. How many ways can I say I'm now a badass woman who once upon a time was terrified by her own reflection?

Last night, I realized my 22 year old self, reared her misguided head, and I hadn't noticed. Through the proverbial rear view mirror I was forced to confront some of my decisions over the past two years.

At 30, I threw the Molotov Cocktail that was filled with the insecurities of high school, and rejections of collage. I watched it explode and burn before me. I had never felt more liberated than I did the day after my 30th birthday party.

Around 35 I went from getting dressed up and thinking I looked "nice" to thinking "Damn I'm hot!"

In the fall of 2016 I met someone, who I'd admired from a far for a decade.That person made me feel beautiful in the most intimate of ways. I wasn't too small. I wasn't too scarred. I just was. In an instant I thought this person "gets it." He was physically and philosophically my equal. I thought this person could be the Yin to my Yang.

I never communicated that. Our communication was sparse, at best. So I assumed any  talk of Yin yangs would be a bit premature. So I did what I do so well .. I acted. I tried to meet him where I THOUGHT he was. I was not my authentic self, because  I assumed  what he would want was a slightly altered version of who I am at my core.

I heard through the grapevine that he found his yang, and she is closer to to who I truly am, than I was two years ago.

You can't claim self love while trying to reshape yourself to fit inside the crevices of another's mind. The two can't coexist. I can't love my scars and try to scrub them off at the same time. I can't share my desires if they change depending on the audience in front of me.

One must not confuse growth with change. Growth is an organic process that should be embraced. Change is something mechanical that requires effort. Great thought is needed to  "change." Growth can happen when when you're not even paying attention.

Always grow but never change.