The only thing easier thenstanding still is actually walking backwards. How do you find the strength to move forward when all the happiness and joy you recall is in your past? I want so badly to just walk back there. ... Hold my head up high and just walk into years gone bye ...
The only thing that stops me from walking into my past is the idea that your waiting arms just may not be there!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Answers to my most frequently asked question!
Where do you shop?
Now I'm just like any woman ... I LOVE to shop! I love clothes and shoes, more than naturually healthy! I like to think that I have good style, so it's flattering when people ask me where I shop. However, I know the real question is : "Where do you FIND clothes?" So I'll let you in on my secrets.
It's blatantly obvious that this world was not made for me, and women like me. My mom was very clear that the world was never going to "fit" me. I litterally had to "rise up" to meet the world. and that's what I've done. Nobody sees the everyday things that I do, in my everday life, to fit the world. You never see the step stool that I drag around the kitchen to make dinner. Very few see me climb up shelves at stores to reach what I need. When my spiderman routine fails I resort to throwing things to know what I need off the higher shelf. Very few have asked to look inside my car, to see how I drive. Although, I know most are curious. So the most apparent thing that people do notice is the way I dress!
From the waist up I am the size of an "average" 30 year old woman. I wear a size medium in my shirts, and shop in the junior and misses sections of stores. ('m probably gonna need to give up the junior's section pretty soon! (shopping in the junior's section was on the list of things to stop doing once you're 30!) From the waist down is a totally different story. I used to wear children's pants, and just have them taken up slightly. But I am not built like that anymore. I filled out in areas that 9-year-olds don't even know they have.
I hate nothing more than having to pay to have clothes altered. That gets expensive, and prevents me from buying any pants with detail below the knee. It was clear that was not going to work, for me. So I decided to try women's capris ... BINGO! Capris fit me like pants. Lucky for me they make lots of styleys of capris and gaucho pants! I've got them in denim for jeans, khakis and even dress. I only have 2 pairs of dress pants that I've had taken up. Then I wanted to wear capris, that would actually be capris on me. In come Bermuda shorts!! This became a huge fashion statement. For me, like magic, they were capris!
Dresses took a little less creativity. Knee lengh dress fit me like gowns. (I have 3 of these.) Dresses that I want to be "short" or of cocktail length .. like th one I wore to my 30th ... those are a bit harder. I found if you go into neighborhoods that cater to woman who don't exactly want to look "classy" VOILA!
Shoes have been my biggest taskI used to fight through shleves of kids shoes looking for the one pair that didn't have barbie, lights, or obnoxious flowers as their main feature. Now some kids shoes do work. Most of my sandles come from the girls section of Target. My heels ... I found a wonderful store in CA, that I shop on the web. They make shoes for litle women. All of my heels are from there www.Cinderellaofboston.com. They're a bit pricey but they give me the opportnity to wear great shoes, that compliment a great outfit and feel like a woman ...
And that is how I do it!
Now I'm just like any woman ... I LOVE to shop! I love clothes and shoes, more than naturually healthy! I like to think that I have good style, so it's flattering when people ask me where I shop. However, I know the real question is : "Where do you FIND clothes?" So I'll let you in on my secrets.
It's blatantly obvious that this world was not made for me, and women like me. My mom was very clear that the world was never going to "fit" me. I litterally had to "rise up" to meet the world. and that's what I've done. Nobody sees the everyday things that I do, in my everday life, to fit the world. You never see the step stool that I drag around the kitchen to make dinner. Very few see me climb up shelves at stores to reach what I need. When my spiderman routine fails I resort to throwing things to know what I need off the higher shelf. Very few have asked to look inside my car, to see how I drive. Although, I know most are curious. So the most apparent thing that people do notice is the way I dress!
From the waist up I am the size of an "average" 30 year old woman. I wear a size medium in my shirts, and shop in the junior and misses sections of stores. ('m probably gonna need to give up the junior's section pretty soon! (shopping in the junior's section was on the list of things to stop doing once you're 30!) From the waist down is a totally different story. I used to wear children's pants, and just have them taken up slightly. But I am not built like that anymore. I filled out in areas that 9-year-olds don't even know they have.
I hate nothing more than having to pay to have clothes altered. That gets expensive, and prevents me from buying any pants with detail below the knee. It was clear that was not going to work, for me. So I decided to try women's capris ... BINGO! Capris fit me like pants. Lucky for me they make lots of styleys of capris and gaucho pants! I've got them in denim for jeans, khakis and even dress. I only have 2 pairs of dress pants that I've had taken up. Then I wanted to wear capris, that would actually be capris on me. In come Bermuda shorts!! This became a huge fashion statement. For me, like magic, they were capris!
Dresses took a little less creativity. Knee lengh dress fit me like gowns. (I have 3 of these.) Dresses that I want to be "short" or of cocktail length .. like th one I wore to my 30th ... those are a bit harder. I found if you go into neighborhoods that cater to woman who don't exactly want to look "classy" VOILA!
Shoes have been my biggest taskI used to fight through shleves of kids shoes looking for the one pair that didn't have barbie, lights, or obnoxious flowers as their main feature. Now some kids shoes do work. Most of my sandles come from the girls section of Target. My heels ... I found a wonderful store in CA, that I shop on the web. They make shoes for litle women. All of my heels are from there www.Cinderellaofboston.com. They're a bit pricey but they give me the opportnity to wear great shoes, that compliment a great outfit and feel like a woman ...
And that is how I do it!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Stress of success
I've always had an extreme fear and hatred for failure. This was true only for my own failures. I avoided failure like the plague. Sometimes I'm not sure if I was actually striving for success or running from failure. They may sound like the same thing but they thing, but they are not synonymous.
You may arrive at he exact point but one one is fueled by fear, and the other is driven by hope. The irony is that you need a certain amount of fuel to actually drive.
I have a great opportunity, to be successful, before me yet I'm terrified that the opportunity is not afforded to me. * can't see into the future, so why do I fear that this opportunity is not actually in my future? Somehow, I see it so clearly for everyone else. And then I remind myself that I cannot see into the future.
So it is in this moment that I ask, once more ... I'm I afraid of my own failure of stressed out over an opportunity for greatness?
You may arrive at he exact point but one one is fueled by fear, and the other is driven by hope. The irony is that you need a certain amount of fuel to actually drive.
I have a great opportunity, to be successful, before me yet I'm terrified that the opportunity is not afforded to me. * can't see into the future, so why do I fear that this opportunity is not actually in my future? Somehow, I see it so clearly for everyone else. And then I remind myself that I cannot see into the future.
So it is in this moment that I ask, once more ... I'm I afraid of my own failure of stressed out over an opportunity for greatness?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
When we learn how to fly we forget how to walk ...
I'm used to the uphill climb, and then the glory of soaring once I reach the top... or at least the brief feeling of soaring. That only lasts until I find the next hill to climb. It's been years since I've truly felt challenaged. Sure I face the everyday challanges, but the last time I really wanted something, and put forth effort to actually attain it is a far off memory.
Now there is something that I want, and people still attempt to make me feel as inadequet as ever. I almost forgot how much, often people underestimate me. I'm not sure if the fact that people underestimate me should shake me or strengthen me. Does an outside doubt mean that the world views me as weak? Or does it prove that the world sees my strengths and recognizes that I'm a true contender.
Do you see me as a threat? Maybe you should!
Now there is something that I want, and people still attempt to make me feel as inadequet as ever. I almost forgot how much, often people underestimate me. I'm not sure if the fact that people underestimate me should shake me or strengthen me. Does an outside doubt mean that the world views me as weak? Or does it prove that the world sees my strengths and recognizes that I'm a true contender.
Do you see me as a threat? Maybe you should!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
This is me
My name is Taniya. I am 30 years old. I have Osteogenesis Imperfect, OI as it's commonly called. Even more commonly it's referred to as "brittle bone disease."
Let's get through the specifics (the boring medical stuff.) OI is a genetic disorder that affects the type I Collagen the body produces. That Collagen is, either, insufficient or of poor quality. This becomes a disease that spills over into all connective tissues. In my case it was not only my bones that were under attack: I had a blood vessel in my Brain rupture, a heart valve go bad. Interspersed in there were 91 broken bones.
In a nutshell that is the "definition" of my disease. My struggle has always been how NOT to allow it to be the definition of my name, my being and my story.
Let's get through the specifics (the boring medical stuff.) OI is a genetic disorder that affects the type I Collagen the body produces. That Collagen is, either, insufficient or of poor quality. This becomes a disease that spills over into all connective tissues. In my case it was not only my bones that were under attack: I had a blood vessel in my Brain rupture, a heart valve go bad. Interspersed in there were 91 broken bones.
In a nutshell that is the "definition" of my disease. My struggle has always been how NOT to allow it to be the definition of my name, my being and my story.
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