Independent, alone or lonely

I have always prided myself in being independent. I struggled with the desire to do things myself and people's desire to "help" I'm still not sure that "independent" is an accurate term. What does that mean? I can do things on my own, by myself and alone. The underlying connotation is alone.

The hard part is that you must learn the difference. There is always a desire to be independent, but you cannot merge that into alone.

I watched 127 hours last night, and saw what happens when the two become one. Now, I'm not implying that we will all end up cutting off our arm in a Canyon, but the possibilities are endless when you find yourself alone.

I've let my own independence leave me alone. I've had blow out fights with my mom, over things I knew I could do. She never challenged, but there were times that I felt she was. My philosophy was always: just do it. I am the person who jumps in head first, believing it will all work out. I remember: not taking my mom's phone calls because I didn't want to "check in" at 20 years old. I told her repeatedly, LEAVE ME ALONE!" "I'll be fine without you!" Sadly, I am without her. I am ALONE. I don't feel any more independent without her. So why did I spend all those years requesting to be "alone"- because "alone" felt more like "on my own."

That's the place that lonely is born. When you can't reconcile, the two with grace: you find yourself lonely. You've pushed away the many people in pursuit of independence. Whether, it personal, independence, physical independence or romantic independence, if not pursued correctly, all, can lead you to lonely!