I find it so, insanely, hard to temper being a person born of strength with some major physical vulnerabilities. I deny those vulnerabilities until the force their way into the open. I try so hard to maintain the illusion of pure strength and fortitude. I don't want to "get by." I am a woman determined to thrive. The thought of anything else is infuriating.
I had a seizure at work the other day. There was no denying that. People saw that first hand. I wish that I could just pretend that it never happened. It is an event that has drawn unwanted, and undeserved attention to myself. I want the attention to always be for my accomplishments. I often feel like those fleeting moments of praise are because I've accomplished "in spite of and not because of. I showed up to work on time, the day after the seizure. I got accolades for that. Aren't I supposed to show up on time for work? I did nothing special.
There is a difference in "OK" and "Alright." I find OK has a sense of complacency weaved within it. Alright is the answer I choose to have.
I'm Alright with my seizures
I'm alright being back at work.
I'm alright with my vulnerabilities.
I'm working on being Alright with my physical abnormalities.
Alright means there was never an issue. Alright is where everyone starts. "OK" is where one ends up. I started my life as ALRIGHT, and regardless of what happens in the middle I will not reach the end of my life "OK"
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