Things have been up and down in the past decade: I must say that I'm glad it is coming to an end. I changed, I grew. I hurt. I loved like, I fear, I'll never love again. I lost the only thing I had of value ... my mom. That loss forced me to stand on my own two feet: that rendered me weak and helpless, before it lifted me up and made me strong.- stronger.
For the first time in a long time I felt desirable. If I tell the truth it was the first time ever. I was hit on in a parking lot (of all places) We exchanged numbers, and he wants to take me out. My guard is up ... I'm afraid. There's this small part of me (OK a bigger part than I'm willing to admit.) that fears the little disabled person. The person who, for years, felt "un-datable" for much of my adult life. There has been only one man to make me feel like a woman, and not a "little" woman. And then one day he figured it out ... he realized beyond an emotional connection there was much I lacked - physical superficial attraction.
I went out New Years Eve, and had a great time. I flirted with every man in the place. (I mean OVERTLY flirted!) One guy even called me the most beautiful woman in the place. God that felt good. Then suddenly it made me feel terrible. I found every reason to not accept it: he was drunk. He was looking to take ANYONE home. He was into the novelty of talking to a "midget." Why could I not think that he honestly thought I was beautiful? Why was that so hard for me to hear?
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