As I take a break from packing I can't help but wonder why I'm not nervous. I feel like everything in me should be in knots: Like I should be a huge ball of fear and anxiety. Yet, the only emotion I feel is "excitement." . I want to be on the other side of this, so badly. I've actually waited, this past week, like a kid waits for Christmas. Doesn't that sound weird?
People keep asking me: "are you scared?" With all honesty I can say no. There's a sense of calm, that feels so unnatural. Maybe it's people's reactions that make my feelings seem so unnatural - I remind myself that I've done this before. I woke up in a bed and learned that someone had successfully "tinkered" around in my head. Maybe had that not been part of my past, I would been terrified.
Is terrified even an emotion? It's an amplification of fear. Fear and terrified are not mutually exclusive. Of course I have fears ...
I fear this wont work...
I fear that I'll wake up a year from in the middle of a seizure...
I fear that all the work, obstacles, annoyances, and blind faith will bring me nowhere...
I fear that all those who questioned my choices, and didn't "back" me will be right...
There is something I am terrified of .......
Hearing: "I told you so!"
Back to packing -
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