The C word

Giving up has never been my thing. It's what I preach against, to everyone speak with. "Never say you can't." Don't give up, and all the over used euphemisms I can think of. Yet, here I sit, ready to quit! 


I'm not sure about this school thing, anymore. I'm not a "C" student, yet suddenly busting my ass leaves me marginal at best. Between having seizures, and medications that cause me to forget everything; studying is proving to be useless. There are times, when, I'm surprised I remember who I am. I asked my doctor about the changes in my memory and she said it's partly the medication but mainly a result of the "brain damage." 


"Brain damage??" WOW Why is a stupid Brain Hemorrhage, that happened in 2003 wreaking havoc on my life life now? Almost 10 years and worlds later, I feel like I'm starting all over. 


I would never throw around the "fair " word, because I'm smart enough to know life's not fair. However, I know paid a huge price, when this disaster happened. I walked through hell and back in 2003. I don't have it in me to fight this residual crap that decided to come back and haunt me! Seizures weren't part of the deal; nor were medications that left me feeling like a zombie. 


My natural instinct is to fight back. But I can't fight against my own Brain. This isn't like fighting the way I think, or do things. This is fighting the very energy that powers my own "self" How do I fight back against that? 


So here's where I am? Do I throw my hands up, and say I can't do this anymore? Do I give up and say it was a nice try, but it's not working out. Or do keep at it? Do hold in the uncertainty? Stuff down the fact that I'm not sleeping? study information that I wont remember in an hour? Or do I find another path to try walking down? 


I gave this a shot, but I'm not sure that I can see this through ...