Invisable

It's so hard to feel like "nothing." In a world full of "somethings" I feel like I'm not even seen. I feel expendable. There's a purpose that I severe for a short period of time- when that service is over, I'm fade into the background of life.


Eventually, after years of fading you become non-existent. That's where I am, and who notices? No one! How'd did I end up here? I was some of everything, and suddenly I'm all of nothing.  I wanted so much, but I got nothing. As much as I was sure, I was equally confused. As much as I was confident, I was extremely insecure. I don't know who I am, because of all that I tried to be.


I'm in love with a man who'll never be in love with me. I long for a career, which I've been trying to find for ten years. Those are things I've, almost, accepted I'll never have.  Some might call that "giving up." Some may call it "facing reality." I view it somewhere in between.


How be do you become "something?" College didn't do it. Job after job is not doing it. Friends won't do it. Men won't give me the opportunity to do it. So I do what I do. I chasing the things that seem unattainable. I push beyond my limits. I defy my comfort zone. I make the world uncomfortable, so I can make the world let me in.


I got in. I fit in. Now I just need to be something within.